The Big Bang Theory – XxX Parody

Penny panted in pleasure as her boyfriend climbed off of her, her blonde hair plastered to her beautiful face and her large breasts sprinkled with sweat. She looked over at the bedside clock and giggled. “Twelve minutes, a new record.”

Leonard put his glasses on and looked over at his beautiful, naked, post orgasmic girlfriend. “What can I say, you inspired me,” he said with a cheeky grin.

Penny snuggled against Leonard’s chest and toyed with his wiry hair. “I guess practice makes perfect,” she giggled.

Leonard looked down at the top of Penny’s head and spoke before thinking, “Just imagine how much practice we’d get if we were married,” and his grin slid into a frown as he realized what he had done again.

“Dammit, Leonard!”

BIG-BANG-THEORY-XXX-PARODY

The argument started from there and didn’t end for several minutes until Penny stormed out of Leonard’s apartment in her robe and slammed the door shut behind her. Angrily she turned back and screamed, “And we’re staying broke up until you can learn to stop proposing to me!” She stayed in the hallway for a moment glaring at her boyfriend’s door, her chest heaving and her unencumbered breasts pressed tightly against the short, silk robe. The red robe was gaping open, clearly showing her tan cleavage as she gripped the waist shut instead of tying it, unintentionally showing one of her thick, golden thighs.

Penny stomped her foot in anger, sending a jiggling wave through her abundant cleavage before turning around and stomping to her own apartment, her robe flaring up to give a quick glimpse of the underside of her round ass before her door slammed shut. Not even bothering to get into her pajamas she threw off her robe and fell naked into her bed, alone, sobbing into her pillow.

The next morning, bleary and puffy eyed, Penny got dressed in her waitress uniform dress and headed to work. The moment she was through the door at The Cheesecake Factory it was obvious to her co-workers that something was wrong with the usually chipper young woman. She walked into the staff break room to lock up her purse and spotted one of the waiters standing in front of a locker. Even with his back to her she could tell by his plump frame and red hair that it was Lee and that he was getting ready to start his shift.

As Lee stashed the last of his things in his locker he turned around at the sound of the break room door closing and saw Penny, her hair a mess and her eyes red from crying, “Hey, Penny. You look like something’s bothering you.”

“Oh my God I must look like a mess,” Penny said as she began sobbing again and threw herself down in a chair.

Lee spent five minutes calming Penny down and even helping her with her hair before she finally told him that she and her on again off again boyfriend, Leonard, had broken up. Again. He smiled widely and then quickly hid it with a hug before they both left to start their shift. Well, Penny started her shift, Lee ran over to the bar.

“Stan, Stan,” Lee whispered as loudly as he could despite the fact that it was too early for there to be any customers.

“You don’t have to whisper, Lee,” Stan said as he cleaned the beer glasses, “We’re the only ones here. What’s up?”

Lee smiled widely again. “Penny broke up with her boyfriend. Again.”

Stan stopped what he was doing and smiled as wide as his friend as they both said in unison, “Tequila night!”

They both excitedly pooled their money and found out that they were just short of enough for two bottles of tequila but with Stan being behind the bar that the it wasn’t really going to be a problem. Lee went and dragged Penny over to the bar while Stan poured three shots.

Lee handed Penny a shot glass while he and Stan held theirs up high. “Here’s to the people we love and the people that love us…” he began.

Penny smirked at the boys trying to make her feel better. “Guys, I appreciate this but I don’t think we should be drinking this early, especially since we’re at work.”

“…and if the people we love don’t love us…” Lee continued.

“Nonsense,” Stan said, “We’re your friends and friends help cheer friends up.”

“…fuck those people, here’s to us!” Lee finished and quickly downed his shot.

Stan quickly did the same and Penny shrugged her shoulders. “Here’s to us,” she said as she followed and downed her shot.

Lee and Stan had their routine down pat for whenever Penny broke up with a boyfriend, give her just enough tequila to keep her happy and relaxed during the day and then at night, when the bar closed, she was usually up for finishing the bottle. And then, when that bottle was finished, she was up for another. And then…

Later that evening by the time the restaurant closed, Penny was in a pretty good mood with only a slight sway in her step and only few slurred vowels in her vocabulary. She saw the last of the customers out, too buzzed to notice the man’s hand cupping her thick ass before locking the door behind him. “Last ones are out,” she called to Lee and Stan as she clicked off the lights, “First rounds on me!”

Lee and Stan had stopped drinking a little before noon and so they had no problem whizzing through the last of the closing chores as Penny swayed towards the bar. Stan lowered the lights slightly and lit some candles while Lee picked out some music on the jukebox.

As Penny stumbled onto the bar stool, Stan poured her another shot while Lee sat down next to her. “Aren’t you boys drinkin’?” she slurred as she tilted back her glass.

“Right, right” Stan said as he poured himself and Lee a shot of apple juice each behind the counter while the drunken hot blonde wasn’t paying attention. “So, you and Leonard broke up again, huh?” he said as he and Lee swallowed their juice.

“You know what… what… what he did?” she mumbled as she swayed drunkenly on her stool. “He proposed! Again!”

“That fiend,” Lee said as he sat next to Penny.

“There’s no excuse for behavior like that,” Stan agreed as he sat down on Penny’s other side.

“I know, right?” Penny said as she poured three shots. “What bottle is this?”

“Who knows,” Stan said.

“Drinks are on us anyway,” Lee said as he picked up one of the full shot glasses and handed it to Penny.

Penny hosted her glass up and shouted, “Here’s to us,” before downing it all. She slammed the small glass down and didn’t even notice as Lee pressed another into her hand.

“Here’s to us!” Lee shouted and grinned as Penny automatically tossed the drink down. His smile widened as Stan pressed the third glass into her hand without her noticing.

“Here’s to us,” Stan shouted and grinned as widely as Lee as Penny automatically drank that shot as well.

With Penny practically swimming in tequila Stan and Lee nodded at each other and placed their hands on Penny’s back. “So tell us what happened,” Lee said and Stan immediately nodded his head and added, “Yes, Penny. Tell us what happened.”

“Well, we were in bed…” Penny began before being interrupted.

“What were you doing in bed?” Stan asked.

“Cuddling,” Penny said as she continued. “So we were cuddling and I was congratulating him and he said…”

“What were you congratulating him about?” Stan asked.

Penny didn’t even think about answering she just blurted out the first thing that came to her soggy mind, the truth. “He lasted a whole twelve minutes in bed. And then we were cuddling and he proposed to me. Again!” she sobbed.

Lee and Stan each delicately grabbed one of Penny’s small wrists and placed her hands on their thighs. Their erections slowly began to throb to life as they left her hands there and she made no attempt to move them away. They gave each other a thumbs up that Penny was completely oblivious too as they poured another round of shots. The blonde girl quickly drank hers without realizing that the boys didn’t even touch theirs before going back to complaining about Leonard. Lee poured his shot into the drunk girl’s shot and she automatically downed that one as well, slamming the glass down and missing Stan pouring his in next. She took a few minutes to complain some more before taking the next shot and continuing her story.

By now Penny was completely oblivious to what the boys were doing as she continued her complaints and they unzipped their pants, pulling out their hard pricks. They slowly pulled Penny’s hands to their laps and she automatically grasped their erect dicks without even thinking about it, tugging on them absentmindedly and never even stopping her story.

Lee groaned in pleasure as the hot blonde tugged lightly on his cock, never stopping from her story. Suddenly she looked at him and said, “… You know what I mean?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure,” Lee agreed as he poured her another shot. She released his cock, took a sip, then replaced her soft hand around his hard cock and went back to jerking him off.

“I mean, I’m not
a
bad girlfriend am I?” Penny asked as she turned to Stan. “Do you think I’m a bad girlfriend?”

Stan reclined in his chair, enjoying the feel of Penny tugging on his dick. “No. I think you’d be a great girlfriend,” he said with a wide grin, his cock throbbing in her hand.

Penny smiled warmly. “Oh, you’re such a sweetie,” she slurred before leaning over to give Stan a peck on the cheek. She thought nothing of it when he suddenly turned his head at the last moment and their lips me and Stan quickly slid his tongue into her warm, tangy mouth. He groaned in pleasure as she kissed him deeply, her hand never leaving his prick as he took a moment to enjoy her moist oral attention.

Penny broke the kiss and sat up as straight as she could, never realizing what her hands were doing below the top of the bar. She didn’t even startle as Lee bent over and gave her a peck on the corner of her mouth.

“I think you’d make a good girlfriend too,” Lee said and she nuzzled against his face.

“You’re a sweetie too, Lee,” Penny said as Lee kissed her and began exploring the inside of her mouth with his tongue.

Penny allowed the kiss for a few moments before breaking off from it and reclining in her chair, still not realizing what her hands were doing. She was quiet for a few moments and didn’t see as Lee and Stan looked at each other from across her.

Lee and Stan knew that they had to keep the story going but they had each become distracted by the feel of Penny’s soft, silky hands working up and down their shafts. Her hands would slid up their shafts to their sensitive tips, her palms sliding over them before sliding back down to their bases and starting back up again. Both boys were groaning under their breaths as they raised their hips up to give her access to every inch of their throbbing cocks.

But now Penny was starting to go silent and that was never a good thing. Lee and Stan looked at each other, silently begging the other to think of something to keep her talking. Suddenly Stan spoke up, “So, doesn’t Leonard have some friends?”

“Oh don’t get me started on them,” Penny blurted out before releasing Lee’s prick, pouring herself another shot and downing it before returning her hand to his cock. She didn’t notice as they grinned wildly at each other or the fact that she was pumping their prick more firmly as she started complaining about Leonard’s friends.

Stan reached over and began slowly unbuttoning Penny’s top, revealing her powder blue bra containing her straining breasts. Lee helped him spread her top open to expose her chest as she kept talking about some Indian guy she had given a hand-job too that wouldn’t talk to her. They both reached up and pulled the cups of her bra down until her tits sprung forth, her pink nipples already hard and ready.

Both of the young men bent forward and began sucking lightly at Penny’s breasts as she haphazardly jerked their cocks. She moved from complaining about Raj to complaining about Howard, never noticing her two friends molesting her chest. Her hands moved on automatic pilot, sliding up and down their shafts, never missing an expert stroke as she continued drunkenly sharing her problems with her two friends. She had such good friends.

Stan and Lee took turns feeding Penny drinks between licks and sucks of her wonderful tits. She continued complaining about two of her friends, Howard and Raj, and then started bitching about somebody named Sheldon which was good, it kept her distracted from what she was doing to them and they were doing to her. The continued squeezing and sucking on her tits until the firm, golden orbs were gleaming with their saliva.

Lee released Penny’s tit from his mouth and looked over her chest at Stan. “Hey, Stan, how ‘bout we move to margaritas?” he asked.

Stan’s head popped up from Penny’s chest and he gave Lee a thumbs up. “Good idea, buddy,” he agreed.

“I would loooove a margarita,” Penny agreed as she released the cocks in her hands. Stan and Lee quickly shuffled over to the bar, their cocks still fully exposed and bobbing in the air, and began making drinks. Their margarita were basically Mountain Dews in fancy glasses but they made sure Penny’s was mostly tequila. She followed them slowly, swaying on her feet, her tits wobbling on her chest with every drunken step, until she had joined them on the other side of the bar.

“Hey, Penny,” Stan said as he held Penny’s drink up and kept moving it out of her reach, “Aren’t you hot?”

Penny thought it over for a moment. “Y’know, now that you mention it…” she began before being interrupted by Lee.

“Then let me help you,” Lee said and quickly began unbuttoning Penny’s uniform and top. He pulled her top and bra down one arm to free her hand to take Stan’s margarita. She grabbed the lightly green drink and took a deep sip, too preoccupied with the tasty treat to pay attention to him sliding her top and bra completely off, leaving her topless between them.

“Mmm, guys, this is sooo good,” Penny slurred as she sipped her drink. When Lee and Stan held their drinks up she did the same and they all called out “Cheers” merrily before downing their drinks. “Bartender, I’ll take another,” Penny called out gleefully.

“Here, here!” Lee and Stan called out before quickly refilling the drinks. The two guys left their drinks on the bar as Stan held out Penny’s drink to her. He kept it just out of her reach again as she swayed back and forth until he slowly started lowering it. Penny followed her drink down as Stan slowly lowered it until she was on her knees on the floor. “Don’t wanna spill any,” he said before giving her the amazingly potent drink.

“Good idea,” Penny agreed, taking the drink from Stan’s hands and taking a sip. She didn’t notice how the boys stood over her or that their cocks were even with her face, she just looked up sweetly and said, “Thanks.”

“So tell us about Sheldon,” Lee asked with a smirk.

“Oh God don’t get me started,” Penny said before going into another diatribe about her boyfriend’s friends. Purely out of force of habit she placed her drink down and began absentmindedly jerking on her friends’ cocks again as they helpfully listened to her problems. She didn’t think anything about Stan pushing his cock towards her mouth, she just used her tongue to draw it into her mouth and gave it a welcoming suck.

Stan groaned in pleasure as Penny’s warm, wet tongue caressed his cock-head as she sucked him into her mouth, bobbing her head a couple of times as she continued jerking him off. She took his prick out of her mouth and looked up at him, continuing her story as if she didn’t just have a cock in her mouth.

Lee and Stan had discovered when Penny had first moved to California that her weakness was tequila as far as alcohol was concerned. She could drink wine by the bottle full and just wake-up with a mild headache the next day but with tequila she could lose an entire weekend and never remember it. And they knew that for a fact after Penny had broken up with her first boyfriend and spent an entire drunken weekend with Stan practically guzzling tequila. Stan had thought he had found a girlfriend but come Monday morning, with a hungover, Penny had shown up to work she had no memory of their time together. And the next break-up, Lee found out the same thing. And then came the third break-up and they had all three spent the night behind the bar. And now it had become a ritual for Lee and Stan. Tequila night had been born.

The key to Tequila Night was cooperation between them. Stan slid his hard prick out of Penny’s wet mouth as Lee held his right next to her face. She complained about the Sheldon guy some more as she jerked Stan off and then Lee slid his prick into her mouth. She switched between sucking them off and then complaining again around their shafts before they switched positions again, both taking turns fucking her mouth and sliding their sticky dicks around her beautiful face.

Stan pulled his prick out of Penny’s mouth and Lee quickly replaced him as Stan got down on his knees. He placed his cock in the center of her silky smooth cleavage an she helpfully cupped her breasts together and he began fucking her large tits.

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